Relaxing in His goodness..

   The past couple of weeks have been amazing.  I almost don't know what to do with myself...besides pack boxes, make decisions for a brand new kitchen and bathroom, sell our current home and keep up with four kids.  Ha!  I just feel so thankful to be free from the chemo and the stress that comes with the blood work that is required of a child in cancer treatment.
   We did get the call from Ft. Worth that Clayton's next set of scans is April 19th.  We've already marked the day off on our calendars and are prepared to once again see that our little man is cancer free.

    Clayton is doing fantastic.  I can tell that he is full of energy in a way that he hasn't been in some time.  He's playing, laughing, joking and just being the little guy that he was before he dealt with Rhabdo.  One of the fun things that he and I used to do before his diagnosis was go to the yogurt shop and have a date.  He'd get his cup and fill it full of Cookies and Creme and Strawberry yogurt and then top it off with every cookie and candy on the topping bar.  We'd sit down and he'd polish it off as we visited.  I have always loved that he enjoyed that... Well, the week after he got his very first chemo, I was trying to bring back some normal and took him to the yogurt shop.  He excitedly made his favorite combination, took one bite, and ran out the door throwing up profusely.  I remember holding him, telling him it's okay, clicking him in his booster seat and quietly crying the whole way home.  To me, that was just one indicator of what all was to come. The harsh changes and reality that were before us.   Somehow we found a new favorite thing, enjoyed the days that he felt great, and forgot all about Yogurt.  Well, friends.. this week, he asked to go back to the yogurt shop.  After tasting all the flavors and thinking it over, he went right back to his old favorite.. cookies and cream and strawberry.  He polished it all off, and continues to ask to go back.  I know it sounds trivial to some, but this is just one example of him coming back to his "old" self and picking up right where he left off. It sure did my heart good!
    A few weeks into the beginning of Clayton's chemo treatment, I had another cancer mom ask me if I was "ready to mourn the loss of the little boy Clayton was"  ... she said that he would have lots of problems and probably never be that happy go lucky little ball of energy.  At the time, that was my biggest fear and those words bit right through me.  I will tell you all..he is BACK and he has not missed a beat.  I don't attribute it to anything other than God's hand all over him.  He has NO problems at this time from his treatment.  He runs and plays basketball..all four quarters.  He is smart as a whip. .. he HEARS... he jokes.. he has an incredible sense of humor, like his daddy, .. he TRUSTS God!  He is even starting to get little eyelashes and is growing some hair.  He is a MIRACLE.  I find myself answering questions about him every chance I get and just bragging on our God... our God that heals, protects, holds and promises good.  Oh.. I just want people to know!
    We have truly felt blessed as a family.  Our current house that we have loved and are moving out of got a contract on it before we even listed it on the MLS.  We got an incredible offer and are actually closing in a couple of weeks.  God is blessing our family.  He's still walking beside us and taking care of us.
   Through this journey, I have had the opportunity to meet many families dealing with difficult, heartbreaking situations.  I beg you all to pray with me for these kids.  The same God that continues to hold Clayton is with them and loves them too.  He is capable to do amazing things for each family.  I don't always understand why God answers our prayers differently.  Why Clayton did so well, yet other children are still suffering.  I don't understand it and never ever will...it seems as unfair as it was that Clayton had to even get cancer.  There are just no answers, but I KNOW that God wants good for them too.  Some names for prayer are Abby, Ethan, Krista, Olivia, Brooke, Logan, Reid (who just finished his treatment.. YAY), Aliyah, Faith, Hannah, Kinsley.. among many others.  Please pray with me for these kids and for continued health in Clayton.  We are so thankful for the prayers of His saints!

Make A Wish Trip 2013

   Wow!  I don't even know where to begin!  The past two weeks have been like a whirlwind of emotions, fun and busy!  What an awesome week at Disney!  I can not even begin to tell you how the Make A Wish foundation and the Give Kids the World Village bless families.  I just almost can't put into words what these awesome companies and volunteers provide for these Wish kids and their families.  It exceeded any expectation I had or ever dreamed would be awaiting us.
   After we arrived in Orlando, on a flight provided for us, we were given an amazing rental van to drive all week.  It was brand new with only 4,000 miles on it.  We then reached the village, which is just moments away from Walt Disney World Resorts,  we were welcomed by precious volunteers who showed us to our villa.  It was a large two bedroom two bath with a full kitchen and even already had snacks in the refrigerator.  A large meal was provided to our villa and we were off to sleep.  The next day we were given 3 day park hoppers to Disney, 2 day park hopper at Universal, a day at Sea World, an offer for Free pictures using the Disney photo pass, a pass to allow Clayton and his party to the front of every line at each park, free parking, and a large check for our daily expenses.  WOW!  Talk about amazing.
    The village itself is adorable and caters to Wish kids. There are not just cancer kids.  In fact, I only saw one other bald child while I was there.  But, whats important about this week, is NO ONE asked Clayton about his diagnosis.. no one mentioned his illness.  He was treated just like any other kid anywhere.  It was freeing, exciting, and an awesome start to a cancer free life.
    At Disney and Universal, The wish kids are given VIP treatment.  Workers are trained to cater to these kiddos.  The kids wear their wish pins, and the employees actually seek them out for special moments.  At Crystal Palace, a restaurant that offers meeting with Pooh and Friends, Pooh chose Clayton to lead the "Pooh Parade".  Ride attendants would allow Clayton to sit where ever he wanted on the ride. The characters made a special effort to give Clayton and his family an amazing visit offering special pictures and moments.  Several times we'd be getting Clayton's pictures with a character only to turn around and see the people in line crying or extending their best wishes for him as we walked away.  It was precious!  It was definitely a week he and we will never forget.
   Please remember to support the businesses that allow these kinds of great things for kids.  The Make a Wish Foundation is amazing and will forever be a charity we give to... as well as Give Kids the World.  Give kids the world is ALL volunteer and donations.  They provide each family a villa, 3 meals a day, ice cream all day, drinks, snacks, amazing nightly carnivals, putt putt on site, fishing, arcade, movies, carousel rides and many other things.  Sweet volunteers love kids and give their time and effort for them.  Precious!
   As for how we are feeling.. Well, Friday Clayton endured a bone scan, MRI of brain and ear, CT scan of lungs, and a chest xray.  We are amazed, grateful and blessed to announce that they were all NORMAL.  Praise the Lord.  Our little guy is officially not only done with treatment, but Cancer Free.  I can't put into words what kind of feeling that is for a mother.  It is almost like I don't know what to do.. I don't remember who I was before Cancer... I don't know how to go back to disciplining Clayton, telling him No, making him do his chores, etc.  I'm sort of kidding there, because we didn't let him go free totally, but we did learn to cater to Clayton just trying to make his life easier.. Now, he's so excited to just be "Clayton".
    His next visit to a clinic will be in 6 weeks, but only to have his Port flushed.  He'll go in 12 weeks for more scans just to be sure that this ugly disease does not return.  After a clean set of scans this next time, he'll get his port removed.
    We've come a long way and we could NOT have done it without all of our friends, and family and without our precious Lord who walked along beside us.  Thank you all for everything.  Thank you for the meals, for buying and wearing Clayton shirts, for the bracelets, for the carpool rides, for the shoulders to cry on, for treating Clayton so wonderfully, I just can't express what all we feel as far as gratitude.  Our cup overflows.  I had the flu last week, but you know what, it was NOTHING.  I felt horrible and was very sick, but it was nothing compared to the heartache and hurt that I've dealt with the last year.  My heart is healing, although it will always ache for what my baby went through... and will continue to go through over the next 5 years of followup, but the knowledge that he is free and clear TODAY is all I need to face tomorrow.  God has been faithful and He will continue to be.  Friends, God is Good ALWAYS.  Even in things we don't understand and maybe never will.  I promise you, He is good and He does want good for his people.
    I am always glad to share Clayton's testimony and encourage anyone who may be hurting and suffering through a difficult road.  Please allow me to do that.  Love to all of you..

It's DONE... on with the fun!

  This past Friday night Clayton, Kate and I headed to Cook Children with a car full of hats and books and all of our overnight "fun" stuff.  Our car was decorated celebrating Clayton's last chemo and the school had just sent him off with lots of praises and thanksgiving school wide given over the announcements.  We were ready to get Chemo number 14 over with!
   We arrived at clinic and learned that too many kids had been admitted earlier in the day with neutrapenic fever, and there was not a room available for Clayton on the Oncology floor.  We immediately panicked, then called in our prayer warriors.  We drove to a nearby friend's house and had a great dinner while Clayton played with some of their children.  After a few hours, I decided that we better be a little proactive.  Kate and I had decided that we were NOT leaving Fort Worth without chemo. SO... we packed our stuff out of the car, walked up to the Oncology floor, begged saying that we drove from Waco, and camped out on the floor with all of our bags until a room became available.  Thankfully a sweet little girl finished her blood transfusion, her room was cleaned, and in went Clayton. He got a big room with a great view of the helicopter pad (a boys dream).  Unfortunately he didn't get to enjoy it long.  He fell asleep at 8:00 pm, just 30 minutes after we

 were given a room.  His chemo was started at 2:00am and it was done.  We were finished right there as he slept.  It was over.  The last poison had gone in his body... it was over! Praise the Lord!
    As usual, he woke up feeling pretty crummy, as you can probably tell from his pictures.  BUT, he insisted on delivering his hats and books to the children on the floor.   He wasn't about to leave until it was done.  So, Kate and I loaded a cart full of all of his goodies, dragged the IV pole along and went room to room

 delivering all of the sweet donations.
   The first room we visited was a new friend named Faith.  Wow.. were we EVER not prepared for the blessing we were about to receive.  We walked in and this gorgeous little girl with Osteosarcoma talked to Clayton and insisted that SHE pray for him before we left.  Wow.. here I was thinking I was going to go around sharing blessings and prayers, and here sits this darling 9 year old, in a hospital during Christmas, who was smiling, happy, and determined to pray for Clayton.  After she prayed the most gorgeous prayer for our boy celebrating his victory, we were able to pray for her.  BLESSING!!! WOW!!.  Please continue to pray for Faith.
   On we went to the other rooms.  We met so many sick kids.  Remember I said the floor was full.  This sweet little boy with the Baylor cap chose these items.  This picture was taken about an hour later when I walked by and he was wearing his BU hat and reading his new books.  LOVE IT!
   We also met Aliyah.  She's a GORGEOUS 16 year old also with Osteosarcoma.  I had the opportunity to get to know her mom a little and pray for Aliyah.  Kate enjoyed talking with her and

 comparing school stories, etc.  Then we met Logan. He is a precious little 2.5 year old who was having his SECOND chemo treatment, so he's a new diagnosis.  He also has Rhabdo and his parents are exactly where we were in March.  It's a hard hard place to be.  And then we met Kylie.  Kylie also has Rhabdo, but her's in not responding to chemo.  Please keep her family and her in your prayers.  Really all of these kids.  They are REAL.. they are hurting.. and families are going through things that we can only imagine as our worst nightmares.  Please cover them with prayers of grace, mercy and healing.

     We finished passing out the books and hats and Clayton got finished with his medicines and we headed for home.  We were welcomed by many friends and family in front of our new house.  How exciting to celebrate new beginnings all the way around.  So thankful for our prayer warriors and our community for loving us, reaching out to us, and holding us up.  SO so thankful.
     Our family went on to have a great Christmas Day.  Clayton is feeling great.  He's playing with neighbors and just being a kid.  Please pray that he stays healthy as he is still significantly  immune suppressed.  He'll have blood work tomorrow that I'm certain will show him dangerously low.  We'll pray for a strong come back and head out to Disney Jan 2-8 to celebrate with Clayton.  After we return, he'll have his end of treatment scans January 11th at Cooks.  We appreciate your prayers that he will remain Cancer free. Forever.  We are forever grateful for God for everything this year.  So so grateful.

   There are so many things this year that could have gone the other way.  So many things... but honestly, a path was made for Clayton that we can't explain.  While the treatment was so difficult, there was alot that could have happened that didnt.   It's a miracle, actually.  Clayton had minimal side effects and just continues to handle the entire circumstance like a champ.  While God is my ultimate hero,  Clayton is up pretty high in my book... right along with his siblings who handled life with grace and courage this past year... Not to mention my sweet husband that dealt with all of this, worked hard and carried us through.  May we continue to walk in His grace as we stand by Clayton to pray that he is cancer free FOREVER!

Clayton Wins

Wow!  Today is December 19th and my baby is scheduled for his LAST treatment on the 21st.  I can't believe this day is here.  We made it.  We made it with flying colors.  We are still married, we didn't kill each other, I'm not still balled up on the floor... WE MADE IT.
   Tomorrow Clayton will go for his blood counts to insure that he can receive his chemo on Friday.  It is very promising because last week his counts were amazingly high.  We are hopeful and excited to get this done.  Make no mistake, it will be a chemo just like the others.  He will feel sick, which will be combated with our antinausea regimen. He will get low counts again making him immune suppressed, and he'll be tired, BUT.. he'll be done.  Praise be to God.
   I remember the night we returned from Texas Childrens Hospital right after diagnosis.  I  cried the whole way home from Houston, hadn't slept in three nights and was just in a place I've never been before.  I remember walking in the backdoor and Kate saying, " Wow, Mom.. You really need some sleep."   I remember getting a precious amount of calls and texts and thinking that I needed a solution to keep everyone informed and ready to pray specifically.  At that time, I just couldnt face the fact that my baby, innocent and beautiful needed a Caringbridge.  Surely not MY son.  I couldn't do it, so I did what I knew to do and started this blog.  Without hesitation, I sat down and immediately wrote.. CLAYTON WINS.  This was easy for me.  I grew up with my Dad being a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan.  I still hear Harry Carey's voice saying " CUBS WIN CUBS WIN".. In my mind, without hesitation.. I needed to believe that Clayton would win.  He would be a survivor.. a success to medicine.. a testimony of the Lord.  He would WIN.  I also remember thinking, but NEVER saying out loud that Clayton Wins either way.  If he won by receiving the kingdom of Heaven too early, I would be the Loser, not my Precious.  So, either way CLAYTON WINS.  How grateful am I that Clayton WON on this side of heaven.  He's here, he's mine... he's well, he's whole, he's a testimony to God's healing power and I am FOREVER grateful for the gift of my son right now at this moment!
    So, we'll go on Friday, get that last dose of poison that saved his life. I will pray everyday and every moment  that he never has to experience the wrath of cancer and chemo EVER again.  I will still beg and still plead for continued healing and for my son.
   Come celebrate with us on Saturday.  It's a surprise for Clayton.  We'll be lining the street and ready to cheer Clayton in after his last treatment.  We expect to be home by 2:00.  We'd love to make him feel like the champion that he has been to us.  We'll be outside our new home in Woodway and welcome anyone and everyone.
    I said from the beginning that the Lord promised me Good.  He did.. The Lord promised Good to me.  I will rest in His goodness for holding me up, pushing me through and most importantly, covering my son.  Praise be to God.  Hope to see you all on Saturday.

The Joy of the Lord...

Family Thanksgiving Picture

 Clayton Wins Books for Cooks...Woodway 1st graders

  This morning my little Clayton got up laughing and so excited about his day.  We have an elf on the shelf, Elfis.  I highly recommend this elf for those of you who have trouble getting your kiddos out of bed.  Each night "Elfis" gets into some kind of trouble and it's Clayton's job to find Elfis and see where he's hiding.  Last night he made a landing strip and tried to "fly" all of Clayton's Star Wars ships.  Anyway.. my little guy  got up so excited about his day.  He was singing, talking all about his field trip today and so excited to wear his Santa hat to school for Santa hat day.
   Today is his very first field trip.  He missed last year's kindergarten field trip because he wasn't allowed to be at school then.  So, today, his trip to the Mayborn Museum will be his first official school field trip.  Also today he had his weekly bloodwork at Hillcrest.  He hopped right out of the car skipped right in to the lab, got poked, said goodbye and skipped his way right on out... without a care or worry in world.  Let me just have a mom moment here... There is something to be said for a kid who can face what Clayton has faced and is facing and can skip about life like he's just thrilled to be able to participate.  I could sure learn alot from him.  Whoa is me... seems like that is the thought process I continually fight in my own head just knowing what my precious faces.  But, the kid himself who is enduring the trial always has a smile, tells jokes, sleeps soundly and just enjoys every single moment of being a kid.  It totally makes me think of " The Joy of the Lord is my Strength"  Nehemiah 8:10.

 So, today.. I will join Clayton on his field trip, holding my breath the entire time because his blood results came back showing his white count extremely low.  I will be there standing between him and any germ that tries to come near him.. Just kidding.. we all know that the precious angels that the Lord has assigned to Clayton surround him in a much better capacity than I ever could.  So thankful for those angels.
     Please pray that he stays strong, makes counts for the 20th and is able to say "Adios" to chemo forever.  So amazed that the journey is almost over.
   Just sharing some pictures.  These are the sweet nurses at Cooks Waco that have given Clayton his weekly Vincristine which is now OVER.  Thank you ladies, for your service to our family. Above is a picture of Clayton standing next to the tree covered with all of the donations his first grade friends at Woodway Elementary have given for Cooks.  Clayton is helping head up a drive to provide new books and hats to the kids that are in the hospital at Cooks Oncology.  Thank you to all of the families participating.  Clayton is so proud!  We love you.

Santa Hat Day

One left..

 Just a quick update tonight to say that Clayton DID do chemo yesterday.  It was almost as if God said, "Ok.. You trust me, now let's go".  We got an unexpected call yesterday morning about 8:40 from the H/O clinic.  Dr. Heym, our oncologist, had studied Clayton's bloodwork himself and decided that his counts were in fact going up and he could come in for chemo.  This allows Clayton the chance to be done with chemo before Christmas and still make his Make a Wish Trip in January.  We will still have to see if he makes counts on Dec, 20, but we are hopeful.
   So, yesterday I prepared like a mad woman with 30 minutes warning to get our stuff pulled together and be in Ft. Worth by 11:15.  It was tricky, but we did it.

Nutcracker welcomes Patients

    The evening went very well.  When we got to the clinic and the doctor reran labs, he saw that Clayton's counts were rising.  That certainly made me feel much better.  He made it through clinic,  enjoyed the darling Christmas decorations, played with Cort, watched a magic show, built legos and received his second to last chemo.  We got discharged this morning.  His Nana joined us for a pancake breakfast, Clayton's choice, ... then, Clayton left to hang out at home with Nana and we went on to watch the Midway Panthers win AGAIN in the playoffs.  Kate was dancing and she did great.  The game was a treat for sure.  Now we're exhausted, but glad to be one chemo closer.  Thank you all for your prayer and for our friends who stepped in at the last second and helped me with the others yesterday.  Thank you thank you.
    As a quick prayer request.  A precious family that I have met through this journey needs your prayers.  Melinda is a fellow cancer mom and her Sweet little Hannah recently finished her therapy for Rhabdo.  She is healing great and is cancer free. PTL.. Just this past week, her family was told that their precious daddy has a brain tumor.  He has had surgery and the family is awaiting results, but are told it is most likely Glioblastoma.  This sweet family has 6 kids and I know they would appreciate our prayers.  I can't imagine their situation.  Thank you for lifting them up.

This one's for me

  This afternoon we learned that Clayton didn't make counts again and he won't be getting his chemo this week.  Because of this, he will attempt to have his treatment on Tuesday, Dec 4th.  If he completes chemo on the 4th, this makes his next chemo due on Christmas Day.. Yep Dec 25th.  Since our clinic isn't open on Christmas, his last chemo would be scheduled for Dec. 26th... So, after he opens all his fun presents, he gets to wake up the day after Christmas and have chemo.  Well.. Hooray.. (Sarcastic comment).  Since his last chemo is the 26th, he will be at his very lowest spot a week after, which is his Disney trip.  We will not risk this with Clayton because he has looked forward to this trip for so long.  Sooo.. we will be postponing his trip for a couple of months.  We are trying to see if the Make a Wish foundation will be able to reschedule the trip for Spring Break.  And... its really ok.  I talked to Clayton about it and his comment was " Oh maybe I'll have hair and it'll be long enough to make me taller for the scary rides measurer".  True.. very true.
    This setback today was followed by a couple of other frustrating events that honestly made me laugh.  It just all came at once.. honestly within about 30 minutes of each other.  Strangely enough, I was ok. I didn't cry, I didn't yell at anyone... I didn't need my punching bag... I really did laugh! Listen,  I am NOT going to say that this experience with Clayton has always given me the " Oh well.. It's okay" feeling.  Honestly,  I will confess to you, that none of this is ok.  It's not ok that my baby has/had cancer.. and I am still mad about that.  It's just NOT.  But lots of things in our lives are NOT ok, but somehow we have to see what IS ok around it.  So,  For my own good, I'm going to map out my day just to prove how much good was in my day vs the bad.  Let's just see what I come up with... I'll note good with :) and bad with :(
-  Morning...
- Woke up.. first thing that went through my head.. and I'm not making this up "Choose you this day who you will serve" I thought... strange, but okay.. I will.
- Stepped on the scale.. picked up a couple lbs.. uh oh :(
- Clayton ate breakfast :)
- Boys were tardy for school :( , but Caroline was on time :)
- Got a surprise phone call from a precious friend in Namibia. :)
- Made it to Zumba (good thing after the scale episode) :)
- Got a GREAT spot in Zumba :)
- Afternoon
- Had a great lunch with a precious friend :)
- My debit Card got declined :( .. I had a back up card that worked :)
- My husband immediately moved money :)
- Watched Clayton PLAYING on the playground at school :)))))
- Saw Clayton answer his teacher calling his name from afar.. Reminder that my baby did NOT lose his hearing as we were first told he may :))))
- Took Clayton for bloodwork where he cried :((((
- Received and Deposited a Pay Check. :) Yeah me
- My husband complimented my appearance :)
- Caroline and I found a $14 headboard to refinish for Kate's bedroom :))
- Received a text that Clayton didn't make counts :(
- Received a voicemail that our tenants at our rent house had to be evicted :(
- Received a call that we CANT close on our new house tomorrow because of a title problem :(
- Came home to see my boys laughing and playing ball in the backyard with neighbors :)
  Evening
- Clayton had his first basketball practice.. a reminder that he's enjoying things his doctor said he'd not feel like doing :)
- Took Kate to Sonic, which made Cort late for basketball because the worker dropped our order :(
- Watched Caroline do cheer :)
- Went out for pizza.. ran into sweet friends :) .. about the pizza vs the scale .. don't worry.. I ate salad.
- Enjoyed an outing to Target with Caroline where I found a cute dress for $7.48 :) Debit card worked :)
- Had Starbucks :) Skinny Peppermint Mocha :)
- Told the kids about the delays with the Disney trip and the house closing.. they ALL handled it well :)
- Told Clayton that he would not be done with chemo by Christmas: (  (I've committed to be up front with him about everything.. no surprises)
-  He handled it just fine.. as always :)
- Listened to one of my girls complain about her furniture :(.. not a big priority right now, but remember she's a teenager..
- Listened to my boys giggle in their room before bed :)
- Read many posts of how our friends are praying for us :)
- Got a good night kiss from my husband and was reminded that we're together, we're okay.. and cancer did NOT tear us apart :)

Life's not all that bad, friends.  Sure.. disappointments happen every day and somehow we just have to take a deep breath,  look at the HUGE picture of the Good things and face the next day willing and armed with God's promises to make it great.  As Dr. Phil says .. Be excited about life.  There's so much to enjoy if we will just take it in.   I know that there are so many people truly hurting.  There are devastating things happening all around us.  I know that there are hurts deeper than I have ever known, and trust me.. this old heart has ached pretty bad.  But, I am so thankful that even during the deepest hurt I have ever felt, I am still reminded of the promises of my God. A friend reminded me of Isaiah 41:9 " I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand"  So thankful that I am able to lay it down at His feet.. and off of my shoulders. Now, If I can just commit to do that.. Give it to Him.
   Still so so grateful for your prayers.  Love you all.. Words can't express!! Just can't!!