Friday, May 17, 2013

See.. It's not just field day to me..

  A year ago today I woke up at Cook Childrens Hospital.  Clayton had been given overnight chemo and woke up feeling terrible.  This was one of the Post chemo mornings that he was throwing up and crying so loud from his room that the nurse was summoned without the use of the nurse call button.  I remember watching his sweet little bald head leaning over the toilet and praying out loud over him for the nausea to stop.  I knew that after the nausea quit, he was headed across the street for a radiation treatment that would make him feel terrible all over again.  My heart ached... everything in me cried and I am telling you, I hurt like I have never hurt before.  I remember committing to my older kids earlier in the week to drive back to Waco to be with them on field day.  I pried myself away from Clayton and left him in Ft. Worth with my  mother in law who was thrilled to be able to help.  I cried THE WHOLE WAY TO WACO and showed up just in time to watch Cort run in the relays with his class... still crying.
I remember sitting there watching the other kids participate and wondering if Clayton would ever get that chance.  My mind went where no mother wants it to go.  I started looking at the other kids and once again asking God.. out of all of these kids.. Why mine?  I remember being just plum mad that my son was at the hospital fighting for his life instead of enjoying his field day.
     Can I please share with you that today.. A YEAR LATER... not only was my son well and at school, like he has been all spring, but he was playing, running, being competitive.. full of life and energy.  My son was "just one of the kids".  He was sweating, cheering, running, pulling, and laughing.  My son was WELL.
   Today I sat wearing big sunglasses wiping tears from underneath.  So thankful.. beyond words.. that my son is miles away from where he was last year.  You see, for me, today was not just a hot track day where we go watch relays and balls being thrown.  Today was ANOTHER moment that I treasure, appreciate and will be grateful for.  Today was a day that reminds me of the miracle of prayer and healing... a HUGE day of thanksgiving to the Lord for restoring my son to full health.  The Lord promised me Good.. He promised me that Clayton would be good.  I am so beyond thankful that today, as I sat with mascara all over my hands from wiping my eyes...I was able to see first hand that promise from God in a way I never could have imagined last year.  I guess I'm not going to be a normal mom EVER again.  I will always be the mom that cries at the events... just thankful for the day... thankful that my son is "just another kid".. with a testimony.  

Cort's first swim in our new pool after a hot field day

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


 Just giving a quick update here. So happy to report that life at the Castle house seems incredibly normal. I love normal!  The kids are busy playing baseball, volleyball, cheer leading, dance squad and's busy and puts many miles on the car, but I'm so thankful they are ALL healthy enough to do their thing!
   A couple of weeks ago, Clayton had a brain MRI which came back perfectly normal! Praise the Lord! He has no evidence of disease and his bloodwork was normal. HUGE thanksgiving! He will continue to have these scans every 3 months for 5 years. His oncologist says his chance of reoccurrence is slim based on the staging and location of his cancer, but it's still a possibility. Also, Rhabdo is a cancer that does sometimes show up again several years after remission...So, the black cloud looms over us, but we are thankful for the bright light of the Lord that shines over that black cloud. Today I am blessed with four healthy kids, and that is absolutely enough for me.
     One of my children recently asked me why I say "Isn't God so good"  after Clayton got cancer. To him.. this just didn't add up.  Why did Clayton get cancer?  Why do you say God is good when Clayton got cancer?  Shouldn't we be kinda mad that this happened to us? Why didn't God just heal Clayton before we even knew he was sick. Where was God when the tumor was forming?  Wow!  Hard Hard questions to answer.  Many of those things, I don't understand myself, but I know that God continues to stand with Clayton and all of us and gives us a promise of a GREAT hope and future.  For me.. that makes our God AMAZING! Some things we just don't understand and I believe we may never understand.  But what I will do is insist that our testimony remain firm that the Lord is our rock and our fortress AND our healer!
    On Friday, May 3rd, Clayton will have his port removed from his chest. It's an outpatient surgical procedure that should take 10 minutes. We are having it done in Waco, so we are hopeful that it will be uneventful, and put the final exclamation point on this journey. We rest in the hope that Clayton is cancer free forever and will never need a port a cath again!  May we never, ever forget the goodness of the Lord!

Class Field Trip