Monday, May 7, 2012

"From the Fullness of Grace..."

 I sometimes forget what he looks like... with hair.  This little picture was taken just about 2 months before his diagnosis.  We were arguing, complaining, frustrated and mad as a family because this was the day that Mom insisted we go get family pictures at the Suspension Bridge.  I remember Clayton being an absolute TOOT!  I somehow was able to help our sweet photographer capture this innocent Smile.  How sweet it is.
    A few nights ago I had a dream that little Clayton was walking in my bedroom to talk to me.  He took off his ball cap and there he was with a head full of hair, a healthy glow, and a very mature smile.  He was my little boy, a year from now, ready to take on the world after an amazing battle.  So thankful it is one he is winning.  John 1:16... " From the fullness of grace we receive one blessing after another".
 This past Friday was big chemo.. The 4th of 14.  I was able to convince Caroline to miss school Friday and come along for the experience.  I LOVED having her with me. So did Clayton. It was a precious time with 2 of my 4 together.  She was a lot of fun to have around, a distraction for Clayton and for me!  Thank you, Caroline.
   The Chemo experience is always uneventful in the hospital, then we get home and about 36-50 hours later, we have a sick stomach.  The problem is, Clayton doesnt complain.  He doesn't warn that he's feeling sick and doesn't complain that his tummy hurts.  He just suddenly is. He's in the middle of a restaurant or store and... well, he's sick.  Bless his sweet little heart.
   After his big chemo we had a much needed family day.  Chad's sister, Chata, had a big Crawfish boil in her neighborhood that we attended.  We spent the day swimming and playing with each other and cousins and just enjoying the good parts of life.  So thankful that we now have a perspective on life that allows us to grasp what's right in front of us and hold on to it... not argue it away. Well, we try not to. Precious times, precious moments that sneak away before we realize they were there. I'll admit, this experience is very hard on a family.  I sure wish it worked like it should, but we are all scared, nervous, on edge and juggling too many things.  It's an open door for Satan to sneak in and try to convince us that life's not good.    Again... John 1:16 " From the fullness of grace, we receive one blessing after another."

 Now for the radiation update... today was DAY 1 of , I believe, 27.  Chad went with me today and we were fully intending that Clayton would need to be sedated through the entire 6 weeks experience.  He is required to lay very still for the test.  It's only 10-15 minutes, but the mask he has to wear can be very scary and confining.  It's a situation that most adults have a hard time experiencing.  Literally his mask snaps to the table and he's trapped, laying there, just trusting all of the big people around him.

   Today as we were talking about what was coming, he was insistent that he not be sleeping.  He didn't want his port accessed all week, meaning he couldn't rough house, play baseball, go swimming.. all the things that remind him that he can be normal.  So, we talked him through it this morning.  Once again, I'm absolutely amazed by his brave spirt and determination to face the fight with all he's got.  As he was laying there with the mask over his face, unable to move, I was talking to him.  Just convincing him that he's a superhero doing anything he wants to do.  Asking him to just imagine himself in a far away place saving someone or solving a big mystery.  We were all commenting on his brave ability to lay there and I saw a big tear in his eyes.  No sobbing, no complaining, just one tear... a well deserved tear.. My heart overflows, friends... Overflows.  I will never be able to look at my little guy the same as I did 3 months ago. Somehow the whiny little brother description just doesn't fit him anymore.  He is amazing! He continues to face every new event with a trusting, open mind and continues to trudge forward.  It's a reminder to me that we put too much emphasis on the wrong things regarding a person's worth.  It's not about how hard we hit the ball, how fast we run, how many baskets we make... it's about our ability to face giants, perservere and truly admire the gift of life.  While I am still disenchanted with our circumstance to the point of tears every night, I do feel thankful for the opportunity to walk with my little guy as he faces the hardest situation he will most likely ever go through and see him, as a 6 year old, teaching me something. John 1:16 "  From the fullness of grace, we receive one blessing after another. "


  1. this is beautiful and i am praying for you guys as you go thru this.

  2. so eloquent. what a gift you have to write and share and be transparent. You are on of the blessings to me--this journey, your faith and perspective. Thanks for letting us in. By the way--every time I hear "How Could I ask for more?"--I think of you singing it at that KXA retreat. press on, friend. The prayers won't cease

  3. Thank you for your transparency through all of this. Your posts are very inspirational and are sure to be therapeutic for some of us who will endure such trials in life.

    Love you,
    Keep your faith,

  4. Beautiful writing. I am sincerely sorry you all have to endure this. I know from my own experience (becoming a diabetic as a child) that he will grow exponentially from the strength and courage that has planted, rooted and grows from him now. I don't mean in anyway to compare my situation to Claytons, I just know that even now, I remember those days and look at them and celebrate each day that has sprung forth after. My family being my foundation is always right there too. You are all amazing. I am in awe and I continually praise God for each of you and pray a claim over the continued healing.

  5. I received an email about your sweet son a few months ago and since then I pray for him everyday at 6:16. I have an alarm that goes off on my phone, very loud and always catches people off guard. Gives me a change to share the story of your little boy and tell them how I pray for him everyday and encourage them to do the same. Continuing to pray for little Clayton and complete healing :)