Monday, May 7, 2012
"From the Fullness of Grace..."
A few nights ago I had a dream that little Clayton was walking in my bedroom to talk to me. He took off his ball cap and there he was with a head full of hair, a healthy glow, and a very mature smile. He was my little boy, a year from now, ready to take on the world after an amazing battle. So thankful it is one he is winning. John 1:16... " From the fullness of grace we receive one blessing after another".
The Chemo experience is always uneventful in the hospital, then we get home and about 36-50 hours later, we have a sick stomach. The problem is, Clayton doesnt complain. He doesn't warn that he's feeling sick and doesn't complain that his tummy hurts. He just suddenly is. He's in the middle of a restaurant or store and... well, he's sick. Bless his sweet little heart.
Today as we were talking about what was coming, he was insistent that he not be sleeping. He didn't want his port accessed all week, meaning he couldn't rough house, play baseball, go swimming.. all the things that remind him that he can be normal. So, we talked him through it this morning. Once again, I'm absolutely amazed by his brave spirt and determination to face the fight with all he's got. As he was laying there with the mask over his face, unable to move, I was talking to him. Just convincing him that he's a superhero doing anything he wants to do. Asking him to just imagine himself in a far away place saving someone or solving a big mystery. We were all commenting on his brave ability to lay there and I saw a big tear in his eyes. No sobbing, no complaining, just one tear... a well deserved tear.. My heart overflows, friends... Overflows. I will never be able to look at my little guy the same as I did 3 months ago. Somehow the whiny little brother description just doesn't fit him anymore. He is amazing! He continues to face every new event with a trusting, open mind and continues to trudge forward. It's a reminder to me that we put too much emphasis on the wrong things regarding a person's worth. It's not about how hard we hit the ball, how fast we run, how many baskets we make... it's about our ability to face giants, perservere and truly admire the gift of life. While I am still disenchanted with our circumstance to the point of tears every night, I do feel thankful for the opportunity to walk with my little guy as he faces the hardest situation he will most likely ever go through and see him, as a 6 year old, teaching me something. John 1:16 " From the fullness of grace, we receive one blessing after another. "