If you've known me very long, then you know I'm an anxiety ridden planner and I like to know what's coming. Well, this walk with Clayton has taught me that the path I'm on is not one that can be seen as a well laid out map. Once again, Clayton didn't make counts for chemo yesterday. He's getting close, but didn't make it. This is discouraging, but only because I am ready for this marathon to be on the downhill. Right now we're sitting on the top of the mountain waiting for the go ahead to walk down. We're exactly halfway through, so I'm ready to be on the home stretch. I know this is God's timing, but it's SO hard to lay it down and say... it's yours, Lord. As a mom, I just feel like I want to orchestrate this whole experience to make it work for everyone and insure a Christmas free of chemo and start a new year fresh. I'm STILL focusing on God's timing and I do understand that HE is in control, it's just very hard. We're going to try to make counts again tomorrow.
If I could just give you all a prayer list for this week. It may help you understand my frustration on not being able to plan. Cort has a baseball tournament this weekend in Arlington. Caroline has mandatory cheer practices in Waco. The girls and Cort are going to camp this coming week. The girls with church youth and Cort with daycamp at his Aunt Chatas. (Clayton was supposed to be attending this camp, but obviously, this one is not going to work out for him). Friday, July 20th our family has plane tickets to South Padre Island for a cheer competition that Caroline is participating in. We plan to return the 24th. At this point, regardless of if Clayton gets to do chemo tomorrow or Monday, he will still be at a very low point with his immune system during our trip. When we originally planned the trip, this was going to be his high point. Please pray because we don't want Clayton to get sick, but would love a great time with our family. Also, Chad is going to be out of town a few days next week, which leaves me home alone to get the family packed and ready to go to South Padre by myself with a 7 year old just off of big chemo. Chad plans to meet me at the airport after I've retrieved the older 3 from camp, and are ready to go to S Padre Island... I know.. it's alot, and I can hardlly breathe thinking about it all. So, we could use some prayer this week to give us grace and mercy to get through it all uneventfully. Nana, I may need you to rescue me.
With all of that on my mind, last night I started to list out the positive things we're experiencing, and just wanted to share part of the list.
1- MY SON IS CANCER FREE. His treatment has worked, and we're just ensuring his future now. NOTHING is more positive than that!
2- Clayton feels GREAT.. He's been eating, playing, arguing.... Just old Clayton. 2 weeks off of chemo has been great for him. He's even gained a couple of pounds.
3- Clayton's other counts are outstanding. His Red count is high and his platelets are great. This makes him feel good and want to play.
4- He has been free of fever for 4 months even at times when I thought it was a sure thing that he'd get sick. People all around us have had strep, pnemounia, bronchitis, stomach bug... PTL.. our family is well.
5- Clayton has not lost anything to cancer. Numerous kids lose an eye, an arm, organs... Praise the Lord, he has not.
6- We have still been able to do fun things as a family, and haven't felt like we've missed a whole lot because of our journey.
7- RADIATION IS OVER. That is a HUGE positive
8- Clayton is still smiling. Halfway through, and he still smiles.
Of course, there are many other positives, but this is just part of my list. Somehow remembering what's right and good keeps me focused on what's right in front of me instead of the "what-ifs".. Please pray for us this week.