Thursday, August 30, 2012
Just One of the Guys...
One thing about Clayton, he takes a great deal of pride in being a smart kiddo. He's able to read at a much higher level than 1st grade and his ability to spell and use vocabulary is exceptional. His favorite word the past couple of weeks has been "theoretically" and he's very good at arguing his point with very well thought out opinions and ideas. So, for him to be at school shining his smart light, he's very happy. Where many kids find their pride on the baseball or soccer field, Clayton takes great pride in his schoolwork. Nothing wrong with that.
Which leads me to last night. Clayton did not make counts to do his chemo Monday night. This was not necessarily bad, as it allowed him to start school and experience the fun "firsts", but it did delay him to have chemo tomorrow. I'm 99% sure he'll make counts for tomorrow because he was borderline on Monday. I have committed as Clayton's mom not to "sneak up on him" regarding his treatments. I always want to be honest and forthright with him because that is only fair. Last night, I was preparing him for having his blood drawn today and having big chemo Friday. I was explaining to him that he would miss school Friday and we'd go to Cooks for his overnight chemo. Well, my sweet boy started quietly sobbing, crying, begging me to not take him. Begging me to let him quit and just be "one of the normal guys" that gets to stay home. He is DONE. I told him I'd give my whole life to make it stop for him, but we have to push through so he can be cancer free forever. He's 7.. old enough to understand that he's going to feel terrible AGAIN for awhile, but young enough to not see the big picture. It's absolutely gut wrenching! Clayton, when you're old enough to read this and remember, please know that I am hurting right here with you and begging God to see you through. I'm so sorry!
For tomorrow, I'm going to drive him to Cooks, get him settled in then switch off with Chad who will stay overnight. Kate is having her first ever football game to dance in, and Caroline has volleyball tryouts. My heart is getting pulled many ways and either way, I lose because I can't be with everyone. Chad wants to spend the time with Clayton, so I'm going to brave leaving him overnight. Please pray for Clayton, that this round would be easier on him, and will quickly be forgotten. Pray that it's a sweet time with his Daddy too!
I just feel like we can't complain. Our summer as a family was amazing...Dance Recital, Cousin Visits, Finishing Radiation, Clayton turns 7, Mom turns 40, Kate went to San Francisco, Boys did 2 baseball camps, Camp Sanguinity, Camp Thurmon day camp, South Padre Island, Cheer competition, Dance Camp, Ranger Game, Indianapolis, Baseball tournaments, Youth Camp, Hawaiian Falls, Volleyball Camp, and lots of sleeping in... all of that in the midst of several Big Chemos. I do see God's hand on our family and holding us up, often pushing us forward when we cant move.
Im going to ask for specific prayer right now for our little friend, Reid. His parents were originally told that he also had Rhabdomysarcoma. He was taken to St. Judes to learn that he has Spindle Cell Sarcoma. His parents have been told that he may need to have his eyeball and the eye orbit removed. Precious Reid is 3 years old. This is a gut wrenching horrible decision to make as parents for your child. Please hold them up and pray for this precious family to see a miracle performed in their son and for the baby to be able to have his eye forever!