Sunday, November 11, 2012

Getting it right...

So, this week Clayton was able to do Big Chemo... this means TWO MORE.. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting very bright, the people screaming at the end of the finish line are LOUD, the fat lady is grabbing the mic preparing to Sing.. I'm more than ready, as is Clayton.  This round of chemo went so smoothly.  I finally, with the help of the awesome Oncology nurses, figured out what nausea medicines work the best so that Clayton wouldnt wake up throwing up as he has been.  IT WORKED.  Not only did we head on home, but we even stopped at Luby's for a large lunch.  So thankful.
    This week when we started to leave for Cook Children's, Clayton was kind of running from me and hiding from me when I picked him up at school.  I captured him and off we went.  

When we arrived at the hospital, we got off the elevator and walked into the oncology clinic where Clayton decided he needed to go potty. He walked in the restroom, and I turned my back to check us in, and walked back to get Clayton out of the restroom.  I call his name, no answer.  I start looking around the clinic, ask an Oncology nurse, " Have you seen a cute bald kid?"  Her response with a crazy look on her face..."Yes, about 20 today".. anyway.. I alert the staff.  They help me.  An employee decides to might be time to call a "Code Pink" which puts the entire hospital on lock down announcing a missing child.  I'm tearing up, and frantic and suddenly a nurse hollers... He's here... He was quietly sitting in a corner playing a video game and smiling as he ignored us all calling his name and enjoyed the entertainment of "hiding" from us.   OH My gosh... This kid is still as spirited, tricky and sneaky as he ever thought about being.. no matter if he's on chemo or not.  I'm so thankful that this cancer and chemo has not, for a second, robbed him of his spirit.  I guess it makes me wonder if I've allowed it to rob me of my spirit.  I'd like to think that it hasn't but I do know I'm a changed Momma.  Hopefully all for the better.  I remember wondering back in Feb/March if I'd ever find joy again.  I think we have, and I think we are ok..  So thankful for the Lord helping us see joy even in our sorrow.
    I'm the type momma who is always scared that I'm not "Getting it right".. Am I being a good example for my girls, am I teaching my children the Word consistently, am I feeding them healthy foods, am I encouraging my husband, and I making the wrong decision... You get the idea.  Being a mom of a child with cancer, and a mom to his siblings, there are no books that give me all the right answers.  It's kind of uncharted territory in a lot of ways.  I only hope that I can look back on this experience and feel confident that I did my best helping walk my kids through this and honoring the Lord.
     The picture above is of my beautiful girls this week.  They turned 15 and 13.  I'm so proud to be their mom and so proud of the big sisters they are.  They have taken a rough year, and have handled it with grace and confidence.  So thankful for what they bring to my life.  Lots to be thankful for this year for sure!

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